Journal Entry 19: Final Thoughts

So this is it, this is the end. I don't know if I really knew what this experience would end up becoming, or meaning to me. At first, I saw this summer service as an opportunity to get away from everything. A way to keep running and hide away from whatever the future holds, because I 'm scared of what lies ahead. But without even realizing it, I accomplished my goals set for this summer. How did I get so lucky to have landed an opportunity such as this one? I have let go of the shy girl from the past & have met so many amazing people, and become part of this group that is made up of something bigger, another world that I never knew existed. The biggest thing I keep relearning is that even though I do not love myself at times, people constantly come into my life and love me regardless & accept me for who I am. For that, I thank them for loving me even when I couldn't do it myself. My Blue Rag that has been tied shall remind me to go ahead and do all the things I am capable of doing and allowing myself to become the great person I am capable of becoming. Who knew complete strangers could just come into your life & just change it & have such an impact on your soul. Although I am struggling to become the person I want to be, I know now the type of person I don't want to become. I don't want to hide behind my looks anymore, or my insecurity, or fear. I don't want to be the girl in the background anymore. I want to be they type of girl worth noticing. I want to become someone other people strive to be. But most of all, I want to be happy on the inside. I know in a way this summer has changed me, and although I don't know the influence it will have on me as I have to go back to the "real world," I know it has definitely changed me for the better. I am scared for the future, I am stressed out already by the responsibilities and work that await me, but the difference now is that I won't let it consume me. I would be brave, for there is much to dare. I know I can do anything now, after being able to have done all of this. What I didn't know before is the power I have to decide my own fate. I know I must be strong, for there is much to suffer on the road ahead, but I can do it. I really can. I can see what the future holds for me. :)