Captured Memories

Journal Entry 19: Final Thoughts

So this is it, this is the end. I don't know if I really knew what this experience would end up becoming, or meaning to me. At first, I saw this summer service as an opportunity to get away from everything. A way to keep running and hide away from whatever the future holds, because I 'm scared of what lies ahead. But without even realizing it, I accomplished my goals set for this summer. How did I get so lucky to have landed an opportunity such as this one? I have let go of the shy girl from the past & have met so many amazing people, and become part of this group that is made up of something bigger, another world that I never knew existed. The biggest thing I keep relearning is that even though I do not love myself at times, people constantly come into my life and love me regardless & accept me for who I am. For that, I thank them for loving me even when I couldn't do it myself. My Blue Rag that has been tied shall remind me to go ahead and do all the things I am capable of doing and allowing myself to become the great person I am capable of becoming. Who knew complete strangers could just come into your life & just change it & have such an impact on your soul. Although I am struggling to become the person I want to be, I know now the type of person I don't want to become. I don't want to hide behind my looks anymore, or my insecurity, or fear. I don't want to be the girl in the background anymore. I want to be they type of girl worth noticing. I want to become someone other people strive to be. But most of all, I want to be happy on the inside. I know in a way this summer has changed me, and although I don't know the influence it will have on me as I have to go back to the "real world," I know it has definitely changed me for the better. I am scared for the future, I am stressed out already by the responsibilities and work that await me, but the difference now is that I won't let it consume me. I would be brave, for there is much to dare. I know I can do anything now, after being able to have done all of this. What I didn't know before is the power I have to decide my own fate. I know I must be strong, for there is much to suffer on the road ahead, but I can do it. I really can. I can see what the future holds for me. :)

Week Ten Readings

Living Faith

Epilogue: Reconciliation and Religion in the Twenty-First Century

"The religious revisioning of sacred spaces can impact the existential orientations of millions of citizens." -Rabbi Marc Gopin

"I rephrase this in the positive and say, if the millions of people of faith who desire peace and social justice actually take the time to develop relationships with people of other faiths, seek experiences in other faith communities, and acquire the skills needed for peace-making, they will overwhelm the political and cultural milieu." 

Journal Entry 18: Looking Back

• Dani's, Raylene's, Diana's, Miranda's, & Abigail's Rag ceremonies
• Easter Seals dance
• Laughing at inappropriate jokes
• Dance & observatory
• Staff lunch
• Doug Day
•  Fishing with Kyle
• Dougie :)
• Maggio's = best food ever
• Shooting stars
• "Ah mah balls!" Nearly broke my heart laughing so hard
• Tom's idea of blowing water out that got stuck at the bottom of the Minechute by farting lmfao
• Lady farting at canoes
• Miss Thea & Micheal
• Ghetto rag/retying ceremony
• Flying squirrel!
• Pulling rope @ low ropes
• Abolicious
• Tye Dye-ing
• Swimming Party
• Busted Ankle (darn my clumsiness!)
• Ice Cream Runs
• Counseling Raylene & Diana
•  Running Crafts <3
•  Bubble Guppies
•  Driving the golf cart
• Nice Cathy with Easter Seals
• Hiking with Abigail & the Hike to Miranda's ceremony
• Dad driving crazy down the mountain
• All the nice things Andie & Josh #2 said about me
• Talking with that one kid before dance about life and the future
• Running Store & Alex saying ahaha got you!
• Armed Services dance
• Sneaking off to Starbucks with Abby & some Marines during the night
• That hilarious councilor who was from Trinidad
• Head, shoulders, knees, and Twerk!
• Don't pull a Kobe!!!
• Pretty eyes, Presley, Lil Jay & Jill, Robert "the professor," Sterling, & Scott
• Singing "There he goes, there he goes again, racing through our camp!" every time Josh #2 passed by on the golf cart and getting all the camp to do it too

Week Nine Readings

Living Faith

A Lived Faith

"Any religion that professes to be concerned about the souls of men and is not concerned about the slums that damn them, the economic conditions that strangle them, and the social conditions that cripple them is a spiritually moribund religion awaiting burial." -MLK Jr.

"...politics is about people, and you can't separate people from their spiritual values." - Suu Kyi

"When hope comes as a gift, is is a gift we must choose to embrace. We must have the outrageous audacity to reject despair and choose hope. Hope allows us to go beyond our limits and project ourselves into an uncertain future where dream and desire have the force of memory. Thus one may say that the human being is defined by his or her hope."

Week Eight Readings

Living Faith

 

The Ethics of Revolution

 

Bonheffer: He embraced his freedom by upsetting the values of the Nazi regime

Malcom X: Was the "dynamite of the human society." 

Aung San Suu Kyi: A revolutionary of the spirit and in her amazing ability to always reach out with love to those who persecute her.

"If the system in place cannot produce freedom for all members of the society, then a change is called for."

"The purpose of a revolution is to abolish the present status quo and to attempt to replace it with a qualitatively different one. The aim of a revolution is a just society based on new relationships of production & an end to the domination of some countries by others, of some social classes by others, of some people by others."

"Mystic-activists have something in common with everyone else- they are human, for better of for worse. Although they may believe God calls them, they do not consider themselves perfect humans. They struggle with human fraity."

Aime Cesaire wrote in Discourse on Colonialism: "A civilization that proves incapable of solving the problems it creates is a decadent civilization. A civilization that chooses to close its eyes to its most crucial problems is a stricken civilization. A civilization that uses its principles for trickery and deceit is a dying civilization."

How Can I Help?

Reprise: Walking Each Other Home

“Perhaps we see our deepest yearnings reflected in others, and this encourages us to believe in our own purity and beauty.” Everywhere I look, I see beauty in everyone.

“We can, of course, help through all that we do. But at the deepest level we help through who we are.”

“We are in the world but not of the world. We are part of the formless but are in form. We exist beyond the polarities of positive and negative, dark and light, good and evil, pleasure and pain, yin and yang; but we function under their cloak as well. Even our perspective of separateness has changed. For while it may indeed be a ‘delusion of consciousness,’ even this delusion seems part of a greater order.”

Journal Entry 17

• Hiking to the tree house with Abigail: Rainy day, old zip-line & climbing wall, Shannon's tree, selfies with Camp Oakes sign.
• Dancing in the dining hall
• Grilled cheese sandwiches with tomato soup
• My own Rag ceremony: Gigi, Raven, Diana, & Kyle, sunflowers, ocean breeze scented candle, Kyle's prayer, Gigi's kind words, crying & laughing, counseling with Raven by the fisherman's cabin.
• McDonald's with Miranda, Justin, Abby, & me: Exploding chocolate frap, 21 questions, saying what we liked about each other.
• Surprising mom and dad by showing up at home
• Hiking with mom, Ernie, Dominic, & Gpa
• Watching Mean Girls with Raylene & Abby
• Salem Christian Homes, Michael & Miss Theodora <3
• Getting a cat!
• Running over bubble wrap with golf cart
• Painting targets for archery
• Building a swing with Diana
• Riding the golf cart
• Fun adventures with Miranda & the golf cart
• Day Camp
• Rainy days and thunderstorms

Journal Entry 16: Preparing for my Blue Rag

Ragger's Creed

I would be true, for there are those who trust me;
I would be pure, for there are those who care;
I would be strong, for there is much to suffer;
I would be brave, for there is much to dare.
I would be friend to all-the foe, the friendless;
I would be giving, and forget the gift;
I would be humble, for I know my weakness;
I would look up, and laugh, and love and lift.

Myself

I have to live myself, and so I want to be fit for myself.
I want to be able, as days go by, always to look myself straight in the eye.
I don't want to stand with the setting sun, and hate myself for things I have done.
I don't want to keep on a closet shelf, a lot of secrets about myself,
And to fool myself as I come and go, into thinking that nobody else will know, 
The kind of man I really am. I don't want to dress up myself in sham.
I want to go out with my head erect, I want to deserve everyone's respect;
But here in the struggle for fame & wealth I want to be able to like myself.
I don't want to look at myself and know that I'm bluster and bluff and empty show.
I can never hide myself from me, I see what others never see.
I know what others may never know, I never can fool myself, and so,
Whatever happens, I want to be self-respecting and conscience free.

Today I became a Blue Ragger and made a goal for myself in the hopes that through achieving this goal, I would learn to love myself and become a better version of myself. It's time to let it go. <3

Journal Entry 15

June 26th- July 21st, 2014

• Beach for Valerie's 21st Birthday
• Raisin's house: Kyle, Diana, Justin, & Gigi
• Cheesy Birdmess & Tareeeet!
• Lunch at Teddy's with Bean
• Slackjaw dancing & campfire
• Walk/hike with Diana
• Swimming with Miranda & Diana
• Pixie Hallow ~ Orange County camp with Jackatha, Tay, Rhys, Josh & getting a spoon ring from CJ
• "Jukebox" nickname form Josh
• Riding in a tractor with Josh
• Running dance all by myself
• It's raining men!
• Playing Skip Bo
• Starting my own fire
• Hershey's spread with s'mores
• Counseling with Raven
• Late night talk with Diana
• Baby Fiona <3
• Doing observatory with Raylene
• Sofa nap adventures
• Dance with Desert families
• Having that one kid saying that I did really good for my first year make my whole experience worth it.
• Positive comments mentioning my name
• Running observatory with Josh #2, Dani, & Chase
• Watching Beer Fest
• Water Fest = V2 Japan & Chugging WAY TOO much water
• Spicy Avocado <3 ;)
• Going to the bank on a Sunday lol: Denny's, Dollar Tree, Starbucks
• Watermalone with Tajin = Best Thing Everr
• Day Camp <3
• Tree Cookies
• Horrible tan lines and dish duty :P
• Making a rock path and picking up bullet casings = some of the most randomness jobs EVER
• Driving home with Miranda
• Playing and being the mafia and winning

Week Seven Readings

Living Faith

Aung San Suu Kyi: "A Revolution of the Spirit"

"It is never easy to convince those who have acquired power forcibly of the wisdom of peaceful change."

"The sight of such a young boy offering up his life was too much even for soldiers used to killing."

How Can I Help?

Burnout

“This is the final act of service: to acknowledge and honor the integrity of another being as they, like us, pass through the beauty and the pain of a human birth.”

“The pain of the world will sear and break our hearts because we can no longer keep them closed.” We’ve seen too much now. To some degree or other, we have surrendered into service and are willing to pay the price of compassion.

“To give and to give and to give, and to know that is my riches. There is no tomorrow here. There is only today and what God asks me to do today.” Pastor Joseph

Week Six Readings

Living Faith

An Identity Rooted in Humanity

"We must first arrive at an understanding of what it means to be human in order to understand the significance of defining one's own identity and the identity of others as human."

"Precisely what does it mean to experience oneself as a human being? He sees himself as a part of a continuing, breathing, living existence. To be a human being, then, is to be essentially alive in a living world... a naked human spirit that spills over into other human spirits as they spill over into [us]." - Howard Thurman

"When you teach  a man to hate his lips, the lips that God gave him, the shape of the nose that God gave him, the texture of the hair that God gave him, the color of the skin that God gave him, you've committed the worst crime that a race of people can commit...Our color became a chain, a psychological chain. Our blood- African blood- became a psychological chain, a prison, because we were ashamed of it..." -Malcom X

"But in order to attain equity and justice- to improve the quality of life for those oppressed or poor- the lives of the privileged will be affected."

"To forgive, I think, basically means the ability to see the person apart from the deed and to recognize that although he has done that deed, it does not mean that he is irredeemable." -Aung San Suu Kyi

How Can I Help?

The Way of Social Action

“Daily you have come and told me it is your dharma to prevent this disease with your needles. We have sent you away. Tonight you have used force. You say you act in accordance with your duty. I have acted in accordance with mine. It is over. God will decide.” This story/excerpt touched me to the depths of my soul. If only the rest of the world could behave as such I wonder what it would look like. We have something to learn from Mohan Singh.

“Our aim is to awaken together and see what follows, not to manipulate one another into this action or that.”

“What’s been dealt with in solitude becomes the basis for solidarity.” Something to ponder…

“If we are not rooted in compassion, how will our acts contribute to a compassionate world? If we cannot move beyond inner discord, how can we help find a way to social harmony? If we ourselves cannot know peace, be peaceful, how will our acts disarm hatred and violence?”

 “Whoever has the mind to fight has broken his connection with the universe. If you try to dominate people, you are already defeated.”

“We’re here to awaken from the illusion of separateness.” Is this to be the purpose of our lives?

“The soul force is indestructible and it goes on gaining power until it transforms everyone it touches.” Mohandas K. Gandhi